To Overcome by Mary Bourne

Can it really be 31st December? I made it. It's been a long and bumpy ride with physical and emotional ups and downs. It's been a wonderful full week spending time with family and friends. The kids have relaxed and have had some great presents. I have been blessed today on my 35th birthday. Blown away with the amount of messages. As I head into 2013 I pray for strength and total healing. It will be great to go to my appointment at the end of the month and get some good news. Until then I have to get on and get up, take life by the horns and keep the smile on my face. I expect to learn and grow more. Life is precious. Live it to max. So tonight I'm partying at my sisters bringing in the new year with the most important people in my life. Happy new year x

The journey is still having to be continued. It was results day with the consultant after having my pet scan last week.  To cut a long story short without all the minor details, my scan still showed some cell activity, now this may or may not be cancer cells.  My body is trying to fix itself and the lymph nodes are in a process of healing. The cells are most properly scar tissue. I will have to have a CT scan early in the new year to confirm what is going on. Basically it is to early to tell what is happing within my body.  After 6 months of being knocked again and again it is going to take time to recover. If after my CT scan there is still areas of concern more biopsies will be taken. I am feeling much better and glad all the sickness has gone for Christmas. The next month again will be long and hard, but I am positive all will be ok and God knows what he is doing. One good thing is that I have been signed back into work. This is exactly what I need. An hour a day ...

It has been 2 weeks since the last treatment now and Finally I am ready to face the world again. My body is still weak but I am now out of the danger zone and should now continue to get stronger each day. This week I plan to gain my life back slowly bit by bit. I still need to have a scan next week to confirm that all is well and that I don't have to have any more treatment. Faith is still strong and I have all trust in God that it will be clear. The kids faces are just a joy to see now that the decorations are being put up, this marks the end for them. We always said that when Christmas came it would be all over. Well to them it is and happy faces are hear again. The kids have been so strong this year I am so proud of them. They have such a happy life and I am so pleased they understand what family is. To bring them up in a church that pours such life into them, with worship, teaching and prayer sets them up in life with Jesus as there Center. Without my family, friends and ch...

Oh yes the day has arrived for my last treatment.  After a set back last week and chemo being postponed for 5 days. I'm now sitting in the chair in my second home ready to be pumped with drugs.  The blogging is not stopping yet as I have so much on my heart to pour out, but today I'm just going to be boring as I just want today to hurry up and finish. Emotion and head thoughts have been put on hold and can start again tomorrow. X

With only 4 days left on the count day chart my body gave me a last min challenge. Monday I caught a infection and made me very unwell. So unprepared I had to drop everything in the house and take up residence at hotel Medway hospital. You know me I do like all the house and kids organised before treatment so goodness knows what it will be like when I get home! You can see on the kids faces that they have had enough. I think we have all had enough but just as its end of treatment does not mean its the end yet. I still need my body to recover which will take a good month. I think the hardest part of it all Is the end. I have spent 8 months living by appointment and doctors I feel I don't know how to be me again. I will start at the beginning of being a mum a doing simply things like cooking dinner. So I'm waiting for doctors to decide if I'm having treatment tomorrow or that it's being postponed until next week.   Watch this space x

The sticky note count down says 10 days to go until the last treatment day. The end is so near but still every one hurts so much. It's taken a long time this time just to be upright and face the world. But school runs and a house that needs to keep ticking over makes you get up and carry on. I may have missed so many social, holidays, days out with friends and family, but this year has thought me so many lessons. It's like I have been looking down on the world, watching it spin and turn. Watching and learning. The parachute is on now and I'm getting ready to jump back. For all the follows around the world thank you for continually reading. I would love to hear from you. X

Oh my what a day. I have lived today despite my body being weak, as normal as I can. The first Sunday in ages where I was excited to rush to church and live my dream of being part of a team, full of very talented musicians ( which I call my friends) and sing again on a beautiful acoustic set for worship. Even tho I was so nervous and rusty on the vocals it was great to be back. My body now tho is tired and I will need to rest up and take it easy. As this week is half term I hope this next 3 days before treatment I can spend some quality time with the hubby and kids. Some autumn walks with wellies I think will be on the agenda. I love autumn kicking the leaves, warped up warm in coats and hats. I'm such a country girl and love being outdoors. I started this whole journey in the late winter, and will finish in winter. I can certainty say God has taken me on a path through the seasons. So many lessons learnt. Despite it all yet I will praise you x

Well chemo 10 is all done, I'm home after just one nights stay in hospital. Going to take it easy today, as my body is still week and sickness lingers.   I had the privilege of sharing a room this time with an amazing women just starting chemo at the age of 80. She shared such wonderful stories and life experience, I was in such awe of her. She had a strong faith and support from her church. I thank God that our paths crossed this week.   The blessing keep pouring on us and not one day goes pass without something good happing. I cannot wait until I can prepay so much kindness to you all. Keep smiling x

What a week. The first chemo were I have felt no sickness and my head did not spin. I actually am starting to recognise normality again. I know that after all of this my life will bring new exciting things and a new season to walk in, what that is, is still a mystery and Only God knows. I have been in the darkness and through fire , bring on the light as I'm a women of substance with a purpose and vision. After spending the day in the company of super women at our amaze women's conference, listening to ladies tell true life changing stories from hurt to freedom stirs that inner determination to keep strong in all seasons of life. when a group of women who love life and have hearts to bless one another can seriously change the world. Having laughter and tears mixed up all in one day really makes you feel loved and special. I am truly blessed x

So that's chemo 9 over and done with. 3 to go! Heading home today from a 2 day stay in Medway hotel. Loving chatting with the nurses and staff in the ward, getting to know them really well now. So will the house be tidy? Uniform in the wash and beds made? I'm sure they are??!! What I am enjoying now is filling my diary up for after the treatment. I have had to put things on hold and say no for too many events but now the end is soon december is going to fun filled and busy. Hoping to recover ASAP this week so I can start to plan some decorating!does anyone know someone who can wallpaper. ?? Thank God I can see the summit. Xxx

Fun filled weekend chilling with the kids, family and friends. Life is good. With only 47 days to go until the last treatment day I'm getting a little bit excited. I know I still have 4 to go and sick days to endure but the end is getting closer. Sitting in church this morning, it felt like God was holding my hand and starting to open my eyes at the journey i have done, and then showing me the life that is going to start. I have been so real with this season of my life and shared the good and bad times, but I never want this to be about me and how I have delt with a horrid cancer, but a way of saying to the world that whatever we go through God never leaves our side. He has remained a constant steady strength and my faith has never wobbled but grown. I have wrestled with God in a good way and will live with scars to remind me that I overcome. Chemo number 9 in 4 days time, I'm going to clean, tidy and enjoy some good days.

I will dig my heals in and Stare in the face of sickness and overcome all that hits my body. 3 days after chemo and this is my best yet. Sick and weak but no spinning. I'm now looking at the world with so my positive thoughts. I can see the joy in my kids, love in my family and friends and an amazing church family who keep giving and giving. I have so much to give back and looking forward to planning many wonderful blessings. I have truly been blessed to be a blessing when this is all over. 8 weeks to go! X

So I'm am feeling a little bit of excitement now, as the weeks are coming closer to the end. 8 weeks to go. This chemo so far has just left me dizzy and sick but with no temperature or fly like symptoms. My chest is still so sore and the doctors are trying to sort that out. Thankfully for all the nannies/ granny who are keeping the Bourne house alive while I am in hospital. Keep believing, keep smiling and pushing on through the storms. There is a hope for all season, a giver of life, bread for tomorrow, a lord of my life. Jesus you are my all. X

Oh the reality of everyday normal life is hitting me hard as now my body just does not want to play the game now. Most daily things now are hard work and I'm not really having those good days between treatments. Treatment is just knocking my good cells in force and just managing to walk up the school for pick up is about as far as I can go. I tried so hard to go to practice last night as I miss the worship team so much and not being in platform is really hard. Watching them all in practice and on Sundays hurts as I long to be part of the team again. I need to find some final strength to push me through this last stage. 2 months to go. When this is all over I will be back with so much energy and nothing will stop me playing my part. I am very great full for the worship team in their support and coving me. Miss you all so much. Xx

In the think of infections, viruses and chemo! I have been more in hospital this last week than at home. Even tho it's nice and quite and I'm living like I'm in a posh hotel. I do miss the normality of home life. Just Seem the doctors and still need me to stay in until I feel totally recovered from chemo 7 and this virus. The end is in sight but a looooong way to go. The kids are back into the swing of things with school. Philip loves secondary school and seems very happy. He looks all grown up. Glad they are back to routine. Thank you for all who keep sending messages . I read them all. X

I can see the top of this mountain but like all climbers as you get higher the altitude gets thinner and the rocks get harder. Even though I know the cancer has gone and the party is all set at the summit the final leg is hard. Treatment is horrible and makes me so weak. My body is taking over a week now to recover and I'm finding just the little things are such hard work. But my pick axe is out and I'm hacking my way on. I have managed to spend some days with the kids this week. Which has finished the school holidays on a happy family note. All the uniform and bags are ready and even tho they drive you mad, I will miss them but looking forward to getting back into routine and finishing the treatment. Christmas will be a holiday time that will be so good. We might as a family get back to normality and quality time with out the stress and worry. Big shout out to all who have helped this last 6 weeks. Thank you X

Chemo 6 all done, it was a hard one with sickness and high temp. Medication starting to kick in now so hopefully of home later today. The staff hear are amazing and I have had great conversations with them about my faith. Having my bible open and highlighter in hand has sparked a lot of interest. I even had a chat with the Chaplin. Looking forward to seeing my beautiful girl and wishing the boys a happy father and son time away camping. Keep smiling and overcoming x

Wow I'm half way. Hurray x long way down now the end is Only 12 weeks away. I had some good news yesterday that my scan results showed NO active cancer cells within the lymph system. THANK YOU GOD. This has given me hope and a boost to keep going with treatment. I will celebrate when it's all over. I still need to go through 12 weeks of sicknesses so need to keep going! You should see how much I have packed up, the boot is overflowing with stuff. We are all going away the Kids to nannies and then the boys are of camping with Matt this weekend. The list is never ending on what has been packed. Even the dog has a bag. Trying to keep the house tidy and clean is imposable, should have arranged a cleaner. Lol Better get going, I will blog from hospital x

Life is much better. I have enjoyed the past 4 days hanging with the kids and friends. All the pain fades when you see the laughter and smiles of children. We are starting to get into the routine of one week of manic and one week of normal. The kids are just wonderful at fitting it in to there minds of understanding this is just how we need to roll. My body is still week but no pain and dizzy head. Only 2 days to go until we start again and thank God the half way point. Looking forward to seeing the consultant on Friday and knowing my scan results. Hopefully the cancer will have gone and just need to finish treatment. I am so grateful for all the staff at the Medway cancer unit they continue to be amazing at fixing me. Short and happy but kids are calling and life is moving. Xxx

Oh dear I'm on bed rest until I get my strength back again ;( . since coming out of hospital on Saturday I have not recovered as quickly as before. I need to watch my day 4-6 after chemo as that's when my body is at it's lowest. This is really hard as Matt is working all the time and kids have to be pushed from pillar to post. Thank goodness nanny and grandad were on on standby last night again. All the parents have been so great at helping out. I am just going to have to take this one day at at a time. I just feel gutted that I cannot spend time with the kids in there holiday. I miss family days out and easy things of just going for walks. When this is all over I think a good holiday is going to be welcome. I love my husband so much he is trying so hard to keep things going, working extra hours to make up my wage and juggling house work. I am so blessed by him. I had a good cry yesterday and let out all the emotion, the stress had been building up. I now feel much b...

What a week, with hopping from Maidstone hospital to Medway I'm enjoy the NHS tour. Having my chemo in hospital this time has been much better. The anti sickness drugs were pumped into me by IV. Having no responsibility of house and kids has help me sit still and just control the spinning. I am hopefully coming out tomorrow morning with some new super drug to help the head disco which is going on. Missed my kiddies so much I feel like I missing out on so much with them in their holidays. I am determined to give my cuddle James a wonderful birthday on Sunday. It's so hot in here, I'm melting I need some men to fan me lol. Come on CPC guys show some servant heart lol On the other hand I have watched so much Olympics I could be a bbc reporter. Not been able to read tho as the words are all over the place it's all such a muddle. Things I miss: family, friends, ice cream, and singing on Sunday's. Things I am grateful for: LIFE ( which sums up everything) Love...

Hello normal life. At last I feel Good and able to do every day bits and bobs. I head into another week of hospital appointments and chemo:( hopefully I will get the right drugs this week. I gave a scan and praying that the cancer cells will have reduced and on the way into remission. I'm currently watching my James run around the garden pretending to be in the 100 meters olympics. These 2012 games are certainly inspiring the next generation. Might have to check out some athletics club for him. We even went to the cyclo park and did some Laps with our bikes yesterday! I'm looking forward to when treatment is all over and I can get back into exercise. Well done team GB keep going x

II have seen the consultant and she going to really work on getting me the right anti sickness drugs. I now have to go onto the ward and stay overnight to have chemo, as I am so sick and there they can monitor me better. God really did hear my prayers as last week was to much. The consultant is so good and agreed that I will not have to go through that again and will try and organise a whole new set of medication. Hopefully they will get it right and find something that works. Totally love watching the Olympics and love how such hard work and determination gives you your dreams. We can all achieve so much in life if we are prepared to get up go for it. God has so many plans for all of us, and wants us to run the race, but sitting on our backsides will never get us anywhere. Meet God half way and live your dreams. Xxx

Final back home and in wifi heaven. Such a long time of no blog but after chemo on Tuesday I felt so sick that reading or writing anything made me so dizzy. It has been the worst week in feeling so horrid but was able to persevere by being in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. Just sitting and watching the kids play and enjoy there holiday kept that smile on my face. To top of the week we ended up at Cadbury world and as most of you know my love for chocolate, it took all the worry away for the day. So I head into my week of ok, but I can feel my body starting to get weaker and can really now do just basic stuff. Looking After the kids this next 5 weeks is going to be interesting. I will admit that I really am fed up with treatment. If I could jump to november I would. I am not even half way! Hopefully I can back on track this week. Thank you for all the kind messages x

A big wow on the week that I have had, big boy left primary school, watching the Olympic torch, awesome worship finished with a fab day with friends. The sad part is the kids have gone away on our family holiday with out us :( nanny and grandad have taken them to a cottage in Derbyshire. We will go and be with them after chemo on Tuesday. Can not wait to spend time with them and hopefully will not be to sick! We Watched the torch on Friday, our friend ran with it Mr Carl Fitter the superstar. We went to his party and got the chance to hold the torch. I now dreading the next session of chemo, it is knowing what is to come and how it makes me feel. But hey let's enjoy today and worry that later. I have total faith that this disease is going and the cancer cells are shrinking. I have a scan in a couple of weeks and then know for sure what is going on inside this body. What an awesome privilege it was to lead worship this morning at City Praise Center, it was all in Gods s...

Oh gosh I have just shaved my head! I look like a boy lol. Number 3 all over is now my style. Not sure what the kids are going to say but they will Proberly laugh. Oh well thankfully it will grow back, at least we will save money on shampoo. Feeling much better now after such a horrible week. But now 6 days of ok and then we go again. I am going to enjoy the sick free days as much as I can. The kids break up on Thursday so mayhem will commence but I am more relaxed now and want to spend as much time as I can with them this holidays. My big boy will leave primary school which is strange. He is so excited he is heading of to secondary school. Growing up to fast! I'm prepping for my worship lead on Sunday, I have not lead for 6 weeks and it's a little scary! God has dropped some amazing stuff in my heart so it's going to be fab. I just pray I have the strength to do it. So I will be brave and leave you with a pic of my hair :)

It's been 3 days since treatment and this has def been the worst so far. If feeling sick was an Olympic sport than I would get the gold. With extra trips to see the doctor still no anti sickness drugs are working. I realises something today that being in the mist of something you can not control is a place where God shows you things that you never knew where there . An exchange can take place between you and God as nothing is in the way, he has brought you to a place of complete surrender. I feel that I'm in that place, I can not do anything in my strength but totally open to allow God to pour out new things in my life. Happy proud mum today as Philip goes to his year 6 prom x

3 down and 9 to go! Seems so long until the end. With very strong anti sickness drugs it has taken the edge of the sickness but still feels like the world spins at a slightly faster rate. Chips and lemonade is all I fancy so might take a walk to the chip shop today as I need some fresh air. God is very much placing his footprints in the sand at this time and mine have disappeared due to being carried. What would we do with out Jesus in our lives to give us a hope. So going to take this beautiful companion with me and go and hunt for them chips x

Well the hair now is rapidly falling out so it was time to hit the shops and find some hats. Fully loaded with coffee Sara and myself did a marathon shop in bluewater. I did not relies that there were so many styles, finding the right one was fun. As you can see from the pics not all hats suited me! It's been a happy week and I have enjoying being sick free. tomorrow we start again. :(

Today I just got up and decided that the sickness may be there but I'm going to carry on and live, so the paint came out and graces room went from white to pink. It took me all day to paint and tidy my princess's room and now it looks gorgeous. The world does not stop spinning ( and my head) so I am not going to sit about and dwell but do what I think my Body can cope with and do it! The picture is of my beautiful big sister who has the amazing talent of blessing so many people. She is a rock to me and opens her home to many. I love to spend time chilling and talking to her. We grew up so close and have continued to always make time to chat. Let's see what things I can get up to tomorrow x

6 days after chemo and I still feel sick! Oh this is not fun at all. But despite it all I'm not giving up but living life as normal. I have had a wonderful weekend full of birthday fun and spending time with the kids at the beach. Tomorrow I'm going to clear graces room and paint it pink! Sitting around is not for me. My hair is rapidly falling out now, not long to go until the hats come out. The kids think this is hilarious and find pulling it out great. A bald head what will I look like? I will leave you with some weekend pictures And blog again tomorrow

Party pics x enjoy x